October 22, 2011…….my son, Levi, was due to be born. He was 21 weeks along when he died inside of me. We do not know how or why. But, I know that he never felt cold or hungry. He never felt pain. He never felt sad or angry. He is in a perfect world, with his older brother.
I have learned through this that finding blessings in everything, even death, is essential. Not only does it help me to cope, but, it is what God requires. It isn’t easy!
My initial response to my son’s death was that I never wanted to be pregnant again! But, there is something about losing a loved one that brings me closer to Him than I ever have been before. That is what I cling to. That is the blessing I dwell upon the most.
I have never felt His love more than when I lost my two little ones. His comfort was so evident in my hurting life, that I was able to find joy, as strange as that may sound. He is my Hope. He is my Redeemer. How lost and angry I would have been without Him!
I am trusting Him. I may never know why He allowed these two precious boys to be taken from us. But, I have to lean on His guidance. I miss my little Gabriel and Levi. I still ache to hold them.
I think of them often, in heaven, together. I like to think that big brother Gabriel is looking after his little brother. I picture him taking Levi by the hand, leading him to see his precious Savior.
One day, one day……..