Boy have I got news for you! I’ve been holding this in for over a month and can’t wait to share my story!
Many of you know that I have had two stillborns. If you’d like to read about it, go here. My last pregnancy ended at 11 weeks. So, the thought of getting pregnant again scared me tremendously. Over time, God changed my heart and although I was still fearful, I became more open to giving him control.
I prayed every so often that God would not allow me to get pregnant if He planned on taking the baby from my womb. This was not an angry prayer, but an honest petition to God to grant my request. Not only did I not want to go through the heartache of another loss, but I did not want my family to go through it either.
And it happened. But the thing is, I really didn’t think it would happen. I was only about four weeks along when that little positive sign appeared. And that is why my prayer changed to this,
“Lord, if you plan on taking this baby, please take him/her now before I get too attached.”
A few days later, I had baby names on my mind, girl names. Now let me tell you, I usually don’t get the itch to decide on any baby names until later on. I hadn’t even told my husband about the pregnancy yet! Anyway, I got online and did a quick search. Hebrew girl names popped up so I clicked on it. I found a name that really stuck out, Eliana.
Eliana, how pretty! But the meaning is important to me so, before I got too excited, I needed to know what Eliana meant. If it meant harlot or prostitute or some other horrible meaning, it just wasn’t gonna fly!
I clicked on the name and there it was. A meaning that seemed to be talking to me in a still small voice.
“God has answered.”
I was somewhat shaken by this(when God speaks so plainly and clearly, it has that affect on me!) and laid my head on the back of the couch. I knew God was speaking to me. I know He has answered. Sometimes I just need the answer written on the wall and, well, that was close enough!
I believe he will see this pregnancy through. I admit that doubt creeps its ugly little head into my mind. But those three simple words, “God has answered,” gently remind me that He is with me. He cares about my worries and that has given me so much peace with this pregnancy. I can rest in Him.
I’m due in February. Your prayers for this little farm baby are more than welcomed and appreciated!