Thinking of moving out to the country? Would you love to have a good ole’ fashioned farmer as a neighbor? I don’t want to bust your bubble or knock the wind out of your sails, but before you move take a look at what you might encounter and my suggestions to get you prepared. Cuz I’m here for ya. Really.
1. There will be four a.m. rooster wake up calls and all day thereafter, rain or shine. If you aren’t used to this lovely sound, I suggest you set your ringtone to a crowing rooster before you move. In fact, go ahead and set your alarm to go off about every fifteen minutes with the rooster crowing sound on your phone. That’ll definitely get you prepared. Although you might develop a twitch of some sort. But hey, I’ve got an oil for that.
2. Sometimes farmers will wean their baby farm animals off of their mothers. This can cause quite a ruckus and you will hear some pitiful babies bawling, baaing, neighing, etc. for their mamas. Just remember, they are not abusing these animals. I would suggest a box fan to drown out the noise. I will warn you though, baby goats(kids) can sound like human kids crying. Don’t mistake it for your own child and run outside with a baseball bat, ready to take on whoever is messing with your baby. That’ll get the other neighbors talking for sure, especially if you still have that twitch.
3. You will have a farm animal escape in your yard at least 1 or 2 or 3 times a year and that’s if you’re lucky. We’re talking anything from a horse, cow, herd of goats, maybe a pig or two or three. A good way to prepare for this is to not landscape your yard too immaculately. The more elaborate your landscaping looks, the more it will look enticing to farm animals. They have a tendency to know which plant is the most expensive. I would suggest learning how to shoot a Red Ryder BB gun just in case and don’t buy any plants that cost more than $1.00.
4. And then there’s mating season. If you aren’t ready to explain the facts of life in the animal kingdom to your kids, well, you just better or you’ll end up making up some silly story that will come back and bite you in the rear end. Trust me. It’s not fun to have to dig yourself out of a hole you dug.
Life on the farm includes mating. It’s inevitable. God made it this way. Except for a buck(in this instance I’m referring to a male goat). I think it’s weird mating behavior developed after Eve ate that forbidden fruit. So, yeah, when your child sees this strange creature flapping it’s tongue up and down, grunting and ‘quenching his thirst’ with his own urination, it might be a good idea to make something up at this point.
5. Oh, and how could I forget butchering time. I would suggest either two options here. If you are the hands-on person who really wants to learn about this process, ask the farmer if you can help or watch. If you are the squeamish type, just go on vacation and get the heck out of dodge at this time.
6. I would suggest that you rethink your move if you are a die hard perfectionist. Trust me, please. For the sake of the farmer and for your mental health.
This is by no means an exhaustive list, but it will get you thinking about things for sure. Let’s recap on what you have learned so far.
Lot’s of crowing, baaing, mooing, neighing.
Get a rooster crowing ringtone.
Learn how to shoot a BB gun.
Buy cheapo landscaping plants.
Be prepared to explain the birds and the bees.
Bucks are weird.
Plan your vacation around butchering time.
Invest in a box fan or noise maker.
Perfectionism = DON’T MOVE
Btw, I do have an oil for pretty much everything here on the farm. For real. Find out more HERE!